Los Endos

Those of you with very long memories and a certain taste in music will recognise the title of this as coming from a song by Genesis, a truly 1970's song that went on and on and (and on) and I still love every minute of it. But eventually it had to come to an end. A long drawn out finale with the occasional false ending and one or two false re-starts. This is my 50th blog and might be my last as everything comes to a natural end. Let me explain.

The good and only news, Tracey has returned to work. It was last Monday and she has started her slow integration back in to the working world. Just a little at first, she has been off 9 months and even a little work for her is very tiring. It is surprising to see just how much it takes it out of her. This means the world has suddenly reopened for her. It is no longer staring at the 4 walls at home or the hospital or her doctors surgery, it's taking the kids to school and picking them up, it's tea at her desk and gossip with Gaynor, it's being back in the world of people not just patients (a strange thing to say as she works in a doctors surgery).

This is a huge milestone in a never ending journey. The big C will always be in the back ground but it will just be a gentle noise from now on (I hope), a bit of static on a TV, a crackle on a record. Life has restarted. It's not the end of the story but the band are taking a well earned rest.

So what has changed in these last 9 months? Well I don't think we will ever be the same again although I am not sure how much we have changed. Most people who have been through these things begin to live for the day, we have never managed to live more than 5 days ahead of ourselves. Perhaps we are a little more impulsive than we were and yet slightly more cautious. Living for the moment but making sure the medication is taken on time.

I have been on a roller coaster of worry fear and elation, not necessarily in that order or in equal measures. On my my worst days in the early stages of the disease I was driven to distraction by worry. To see the person you love in so much pain is not something I would recommend to anyone. It is natural to want to be caring and supportive but when the best and the only thing you can do is to suggest that the other person goes to bed you know that you have reached the depths. And then it begins to get better, a smile here a laugh there, a kiss and a cuddle and you know it will all be good in the end.

So there it is, the reason I was writing my blog may have come to end. Am I living in a house of cancer or am I living in a house of joy? Is it recovery time?

I am no longer sure I have a tale to tell about living with a god awful disease. I am sure our lives will have ups and downs in the future but this blog is not the right place to record them. This is/was my special blog about cancer and I think it's time to end it.


Chris xx

Hellys

No Hellys is not a bad week at work but the Cornish name for Helston where we have just spent a brilliant week, chilling. This is the first time we have managed to get away since early last year. Not all the family went, just us two and the boys. Livi had to work and anyway would any 18 year old girl seriously want to spend a whole week with us? I expect our house was partyville the whole time we were away.

We stayed in Tracey's mum and dad's house while they were away on a cruise. It was very relaxing, which is not to say we didn't do anything, we got out whenever we could, but we were, on at least one occasion, beaten by the Cornish weather. It was a lovely half term.

Things I have learnt.

• you can still get up in the morning even if you don't set your alarm
• Cricket in the the morning is better than Breakfast Time but not as good as Heir Hunters
• When out on a walk you are always more than 1 mile away from a toilet
• things that I think look like a good toilet may look like a tree to other people
• Having a Cornish pasty and a Cream tea are traditional and nice, but if you are really hungry you need a KFC
• No bed is better or more comfortable than the one you have at home

Oh and finally

• Cornwall is always wetter than you think it will be, but then the sun comes out and everything is better.

I won't spend too long talking about it as I have loads of pictures, but there were a few highlights.

Walks:

The walk along the beach at Long Rock by Marazion is always a treat, lots of wind surfers, the trains and St Michaels Mount. Stone skimming and people watching the order of the day. As usual it finished with a complete soaking for us. Sadly no pictures.

The longest walk was the walk to Loe bar from Hellys which ended up as a walk to Porthleven followed by a cream tea and a bus back to the car. The start of the walk was very wet but as soon as we got on the tarmac track it was much better. Much moaning from the boys but me and Trace were going for it. 2-3 miles in to the walk and Trace needed the toilet but we couldn't find anywhere so we ploughed on to the beach at Loe bar. Both Loe pool and Loe bar are very beautiful, you can hear the sea from a great distance away, it creeps up on you with every twist and turn of the path. Me and Adam skimmed stones, again. When we got up to go, it was quicker to walk to a toilet in Porthleven than head back to Helston. So we walked on and found a teashop (Naughty but Ice) and Tracey was a very relieved person. One very expensive bus ride later and we were home.



mud



The chuckle brothers





Happiness




Loe pool



Double assault




The monkey bar kid



skimming at Loe pool




Porthleven

 




Then there were the the places. We visited Glendurgan Gardens, Porthleven and Coverack.

Glendurgan is a beautiful National Trust garden that winds down a valley to the sea, on the Helford river. It is hard to describe just how beautiful it is down there. We have been many times before but are always drawn back. This time the azaleas were out splashing colour all over the hillside. And of course there is the Maze. Down the bottom of the valley is another perfect place for stone skimming and rock pooling (beginning to sound like a Cornish tourist authority brochure). The peace was only enhanced by Vaughan not talking to anyone for half the journey. We fell out on the way down the valley and only started talking again once we got back to the cafe.



Azalea




Dafs




During happy times




Knackered on the rocks




a-mazing

 Then there was Porthleven, always one of our favourite places. We visited just at sunset (actually I was looking for a place to fish, but we never got round to it). The waves were crashing in and the surfers were, well surfing. We watched them for ages. You would think the the surfers would be the people in most danger there. However although the pier is chained off for safety reasons, families know best and were still walking to the end. While we watched a man and his dog, who were walking the pier with his wife and son, were washed off their feet by a large wave and nearly toppled over the other side of the pier in to the water. Prat.

Sunset

A crashing wave and a mad family

Coverack was our final day. We spent it waiting for the England - France rugby game. Then the sun came out. This place is unbeatable in the sun and the Lizard penisula is my favourite bit of all. A short walk but glorious.

And that was that, If you discount the reading, a day in Truro, cd's by the Secret Sisters and Sugarland (you and me baby, stuck like glue), and a detective game which we all let Tracey win. A very good week.

And finally, have I mentioned my wife's CT scan was clear.............

Clear.......................................

Clear.

This is the best news of all. File under delighted.

Talk soon

Chris x