Self Indulgent, me?

I suppose, if you have ever read my blog, you will realise that it has changed from being something I needed to do, just to get things out of my head, to something that gives me a certain amount of enjoyment. A chance to express myself. The last 2 blogs have been that, a chance to do a bit about one of my favourite subjects, me. And I have to say I have enjoyed it.

However.

I was sitting in my office at work the other day and the door was opened by one of my colleagues, someone who's judgement I trust. We had a short conversation, "Read the Blog, bit self indulgent wasn't it" and of course I immediately saw what she was saying was true. I think I had forgotten the title of the of the Blog. This is about what the family are going through not me showing you my grand parents house, not a few pictures of the carnival. So it's back to business this time.

But there's the rub, the thing is you do get lost in the whole thing, Tracey becomes the cancer, I become "poor Tracey's husband", the kids are "those poor kids" everything revolves around this bloody disease and you begin to forget yourself. You don't know where the disease stops and you start. It could be I was just trying to bring a bit of myself back in to the equation, something cancer free. Or it could just be that I was being self indulgent.

Anyway this week is chemo 5, two to go. Getting nearer the end. Only don't say that to Trace. Every chemo is like the end of the world. One to go is not near the end, it is another visit to Hades, a descent in to hell . Pain and sickness, the threat of infection and the feeling of overwhelming dread. More poison pumping around the veins. This does not wind down, it crashes.

I have taken a few days off to see if we can get out while Tracey is feeling a bit better. Docetaxle has left Trace much achier (is that a word?) than the previous chemicals, but we might be able to get a few hours to ourselves in the next couple of days and stretch the legs a little. A little sight seeing would bolster the spirits. All time spent together and feeling OK is to be treasured.

Everything else is very normal, I was mauled by a rabbit last night and the boys continue to try and get out of doing the washing up. My car never leaves Olivia. I am told there is now make up on the passenger seat. I still get stifled by a Vanilla air freshener every time I get in it. Vaughan's team lost to Weston hornets at Rugby and Adam never left the house all weekend.

Another Tinsley week over and a new one just begun.

Chris