Things I have learnt

It's been a while since I blogged last, this has in part been due to homework and illness (mine). During this time I have learnt one or two things which I will share.

Me being ill is not as important as it once was.

This should have been obvious but still came as a shock. Last week I had a cold, a genuine death bed, man flu, cold. I felt crap. For the hypochondriacs amongst us, as I am, this should has been a time of celebration as I wallowed in the joys of illness. Not any more. No more lounging about looking for sympathy.

Quarantined!

Kept away from everyone, separate bedrooms, no touching, no cuddles, no special treats. this continued way after my symptoms had gone. The lonely life of separate beds. The main thing is to make sure that Tracey does not catch anything. And she didn't.

It is impossible to avoid Cancer in the media

One of the things you find really quickly is that there are lots and lots of stories about cancer, ours (Tracey's) is yet another one. Each story is special and each sufferer is brave, most of the time. From young to old sufferers are stoic and resourceful. The number of column inches and particularly supplement inches dedicated to these stories is enormous. They all start in a similar way although the outcomes vary widely. I want an illness free supplement every now and then. This is so I can enjoy my Lazy Sunday Morning Read. I would like to able to read and not glance at Tracey with my "you poor love" face on as I reach the end of yet another tale of how they realised there was something wrong when they fell face first in to a bowl of lasagna after downing 3 bottles of retsina.

People want to talk about it because they don't know what to say.

This is not a complaint about people asking how Trace is, far from it, I love peoples concern. People have been so much better than I thought they would be and I am happy to trot out her latest symptoms, I wouldn't be writing this if I wasn't. This is more an observation about how many people I know and the people I talk to know who have had the disease. My mother died of cancer, my brother has had bladder cancer. I have just found out that an old friend of mine, Jim Clatworthy has a very severe form of cancer. I will bring all of these things in to a conversation. And so will the people I am talking too and that's the point, too much mutual wallowing. Lets talk about football and rugby, books and the telly, tee shirts that are too tight and six packs, Beyonces latest video and Take That's comeback. Lets talk about drinking and walking, about stupid things that you have done and funny things that have happened. Lets shout at the government, call me a lefty, a heathen and a heretic and I'll call you a god botherer, a religious nutcase. Let's have a laugh, a row, a shout or a song. Anything but normal.

As well as you think you are coping anxiety seeps out

There is a lot of self pity in this present blog. I find it all hard at the moment, we are in no mans land. On the long haul to salvation. It's neither new or cured. For me this manifests itself in strange ways. I am tired all the time, before and after sleep and probably when I am sleeping. I am bad tempered and find work particularly difficult. I can't seem to get on with anything, it's all confusing. I am not nice to the kids and very loving all at the same time.

So that how I am at the moment. As for other things, well I saw Vaughan score a try in a school rugby match, that has to be good. Adam is out at a play as part of his school drama course. Livi continues to drive me round the bend, then down the college drive and over the humps. Test very soon, everyone very frightened.

I mentioned Jim Clatworthy earlier in this blog and his fight against a much more agressive form of cancer Glioblastoma multiforme or GBM. Jim and his brother Clarence are old Rugby playing friends of mine from North Petherton. Jim was a great front row forward and is a hard working farmer in North Newton. Jim and his wife Michelle are raising money towards a special treatment for him and this particularly nasty cancer. If you want to contribute to this he can be found at http://www.jimclatworthy.co.uk/ . It is a about a year since they started the fund and he has just had an operation on his brain tumour, I wish him well.

Well then still no luck with pictures so I will just say goodbye.

Chris x