Well it's been a week and its holiday time for us. Nothing arranged but maybe that's better, no packing, no long drive yet. But that's for another blog, what has been happening.
Well no blog doesn't mean nothing happening it just means no crisis. I'm still obsessed with the photo taking, the family may force me to extract the camera from my rear at some point. I try to limit the pictures to lunch time and walk around on my own. I still feel a bit uneasy trailing a camera across the main Trowbridge park past all the children and and people lunching. I'm not sure whether that's me or a reflection on society.
Just a small political point to start with related to my work in a local authority. I celebrate the demise of ContactPoint this week. I have had limited contact with it at work and I think most of us are really pleased to see it go. No government should hold a database of all our children, over 3 million at the last count, particularly not the last government and I am glad that this discredited coalition of the needy and the nasty have done one thing right at last. Of course everything else they are doing is just plain wrong and the sooner they fall apart the better. Adios Lib Dems, good riddance Conservatives. Don't get me started on CCTV!
The family move on, Trace is looking and sounding better. I think I am now used to the scaring and have become, sort of, blind to it. It's just Tracey. I don't help with the exercising as much as I should (at all) but Trace just gets on with it. The children sometimes rub her feet but I don't. We don't walk or exercise enough. But we have got in to some sort of routine, which works.
My mind is much clearer now, "pull yourself together, get on with it". Time to reflect has been useful. I suppose the next emotional watershed is chemo. I am sure we will get through that, (listen to me, "we", I mean Tracey, she gets treated, I read a book). I wonder what sort of family we will be on the other side. I like to think we were close before this, perhaps we weren't as close as I thought. Now we are much closer, to sort of quote Joni Mitchell " you don't know what you got till there is a possibility that a pernicious disease is going to take it away from you". Many people in our situation begin to live for the day, I think that may be the way forward. Today I will put my feet up and watch telly with scant regard for anything that is going on around me showing a complete disregard for the things that need to be done. No change there.
I have found time to look at how I interact with my close family. I have already mentioned Tracey. With the children I remain bad tempered but getting better. Adam and Vaughan look after me, particularly Vaughan who also looks after his mum. Adam likes to play games with me. We always go off together if we are visiting anywhere. I am at the moment continuously slaughtering him at darts, he will get better and is practicing lots but I am the daddy. This is revenge for all the lessons he gives me at computer games. Vaughan is spending more time with his friends which is a good thing. He is more of a confidant for me, he already dismisses me as a rival as he is already far ahead of me at everything (in his mind). They are both wonderful.
Olivia is a special case, she is doing very well at the moment, persisting with things that she needs to do but doesn't really want to. She still uses me as a taxi but I think that's what dads are meant to do. Just occasionally she shows the sort of affection that I want. I indulge her but that is my privilege, I expect her to look after us when we are old and infirm (next year).
The wider family remain supportive, Tracey had a lovely visit from her brother this week. I am in constant contact with my cousin Lyn and my brother continues to send his love. He probably won't be reading this as he is a bit of a technophobe which is no bad thing. Parents are there for comfort.
So there you are, all words, no pictures, Chris Tinsley state of mind.
(Picture special next time?)
Chris xx
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